If you have seen or read my work, you know I bang the gong of metaphors whenever possible. Metaphors are not only powerful tools in coaching; they enhance a coach’s capacity to listen actively to a client’s language. They make abstract concepts tangible and relatable. Metaphors are ‘idea containers’ that support the client in visualizing and internalizing their goals and the often the steps needed to achieve them.
In a recent coaching session, a client came to me to explore what was causing some internal resistance to doing some of the things that they needed to do to build their business. This client was experiencing a lack of motivation when it came to “selling himself” and spent a bit of the session talking about the difference between selling himself and selling a product—the external object versus the internal sense of self.
I recently had a conversation with Dr. Richard Boyatzis, for the Coaching Studio Podcast, we had a discussion about goals and he explained that the goal is not enough. GROW and SMART goals create a tunnel vision effect, and people struggle to get curious and past the goal to what really needs to be explored; basically, we have to get to the client’s bigger purpose, or in my way of thinking, the bigger important state of being that the client wants to inhabit. The outcome will naturally come from the insights and then the actions that the person develops. (tCS, July 2024) Coaches need to support clients in the more important exploration and support the movement toward what is meaningful, not just an external outcome.
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Light Up!
Light Up is a must read for both new and experienced coaches, showing you how to use the transformative power of metaphors. Lyssa translates theoretical insights into effective coaching practices to leverage the power of metaphors in fostering meaningful client transformations. With multiple coaching demonstrations and significant examples, this book will help you create many lightbulb moments in your coaching conversations.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds, MCC
Check Out Light Up on Amazon
Light Up: The Science of Coaching with Metaphors
Light Up is a transformative read for coaches and therapists at any level. It illustrates the vital role of metaphors in coaching and delves into how metaphors clarify complex emotions and thoughts, aiding clients in better understanding themselves.
The Coaching Session
I asked what he wanted from the session, and he responded that he felt he understood his resistance, but he wanted to move the needle a tick on the scale so that he could begin to move forward. At this point in the conversation, I now had a movement metaphor, “I want to move the needle a tick forward,” I followed that up with, “What do you think will be different for you when the needle moves a tick forward?” He responded, “I will be energized and motivated to do what needs to be done; I will have more energy.” So, with this outcome named by the client, I understood the movement in the coaching was from resistance to ticking forward toward motivation and energy.” The client confirmed that this is what he wanted for the session. I then partnered with him by asking, “Where do we need to begin between resistance and moving the needle a tick towards energized motivation?”
A clear intention of his desired direction was needed to support his empowerment, agency, and self-determined awareness. This created the coaching container and opened his ability to creatively explore what was required to shift from resistance to motivation and energy. This metaphor provided a direction for the coaching conversation, ensuring alignment between both of us. But it was in my follow-up questions where I held the directionality that continued to hold the container of the conversation in a safe way.
Client: I feel like a rebellious teenager; I know I need to do XYZ, but I just feel so much resistance to doing what needs to be done.
Coach: What about that resistance needs to be acknowledged or explored so that you can tick towards motivation?
Client: Huh… I remember this feeling in high school. There was a lot of pressure to get it done right, to be perfect, and there was just so much stress.
Coach: How is that showing up today and impacting your energy?
In this short example, the coach holds the directionality of the conversation, allowing the client to safely explore the difficult or uncomfortable emotions, resistance, stress, etc, with the intention that the exploration is for the benefit of shifting toward motivation and energy.
Aligning with ICF Core Competency 3
I am again focusing on the importance of ICF Competency 3: Establishes and Maintains Agreements in my work. Each time I look at the Competencies, I seem to meet them with a new heart and new eyes.
Truly partnering in a coaching conversation is more challenging, if not impossible, without a thorough agreement. Fundamentally, one cannot be led by the client if they don’t understand what is important to the client for the conversation. The client must be the leading partner in the conversation for them to take away their insights and awareness. Otherwise, we are wandering out in a dark field, poking at things, wondering, is this what’s important, is that what’s important, hoping to finally figure out what the client needs when we could have simply asked.
Have you ever looked through someone’s vacation pictures? How much do you love that? How long before you get bored and, on autopilot, say, “Oh, yes, another great picture of you with a monument, a big fish, or a flower. Amazing.” The point is that if I see pictures of someone’s trip somewhere, it is not the same as going to that place myself.
If I go on the adventure myself, I remember the little tucked away café, the cobbled streets, the unique architecture, the press of the crowds, or the sheer wonder of the three-dimensional experience of walking through that place. All the sights, sounds, and smells are part of my experience; they belong to my memory, and I feel them. When a coach tells a person how to do X, it’s akin to showing them your holiday photos. It can be helpful or interesting the first 1 or 2 ideas, but until the person has the experience for themselves, until they earn their learning, they can’t truly own it.
Breaking Competency 3 Down
3.1 Coach partners with the client to identify or reconfirm what the client wants to accomplish in this session.
In the above example, the client wanted to understand his resistance and move forward with energy. Identifying this goal provided a clear idea of what the client wanted to accomplish in the session.
3.2 Coach partners with the client to define or reconfirm measure(s) of success for what the client wants to accomplish in this session.
The measure of success in this session was the client’s motivation and energy to take necessary actions for his business. Defining this measure helped maintain focus and direction.
3.3 Coach inquires about or explores what is important or meaningful to the client about what they want to accomplish in this session.
It was important to the client to explore the internal resistance and its significance in how he was creating and developing his business. Understanding what might be driving or increasing his resistance helped us align with what was important—and offered the opportunity to explore the direction he wanted to move toward. Moving toward motivation and energy was the compass.
3.4 Coach partners with the client to define what the client believes they need to address to achieve what they want to accomplish in this session.
The client identified the need to address his internal resistance to achieve motivation and energy. By asking, “Where do we need to begin, between resistance and energized motivation?” the client was at choice to name what needed to be explored. This client-led invitation demonstrates partnering with the client to define what they believed we needed to address in order to move towards motivation and energy.
Small t and Big T Trauma
We need to acknowledge that most people probably have a history of trauma, whether small ‘t’ traumas or big ‘T’ traumas. We can never fully know the experiences or how those experiences have been internalized by another person. Each of us walk a completely unique path. And a coach who ignores this reality runs a real risk of unintentionally harming the people they work with. In this way, directionality is vital to safely exploring and addressing such issues.
Returning to the earlier example client conversation, it’s easy to see that the client wanted to move toward motivation and energy. This gave me a guide for how the conversation needed to be held. From that point forward, every question I asked was with a clear understanding between the client and myself as to what their goal or session outcome was. Again, I needed this information to create the directionality needed before we tackled any negative emotions so that the negative elements of internal narratives didn’t become the focus but rather could be explored for awareness and insight. The idea of exploring the “resistance” (the client’s word and description) could not be done safely without both of us understanding that the purpose of exploring “resistance” was only in the exploration value of supporting the client to move towards motivation and energy, ticking the needle forward.
Through the container of the coaching conversation, the client can look at “resistance” not as a negative but as a neutral. It is one data point, and there is something to be learned from it. The purpose of looking at and exploring it was to move the needle towards motivation. This way, the conversation could explore how the “resistance” might have served him. He had ideas about success and the selling of oneself, of resistance as a protective element, and as a guide to explore his beliefs and values and how what he needed to do aligned with those other elements of who he was and wanted to be.
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The Need for Awareness of Potential Trauma
In part because I spent 20+ years of my career working in the field of PTSD, complex trauma, and dissociative disorders. I struggled with the idea of coaches coaching trauma, it’s a bias that I needed to move through. My perspective is there is such a high degree of need for psychological resourcing and safety because it doesn’t take much to re-traumatize a person. Recently, I have confronted my bias and am adjusting my lens around the topic. This let me get curious and I took a dive into what it means to be “trauma-informed.” Letting go of some preconceived ideas and doing a bit of research to become a touch more informed about the topic.
This is my new understanding. Trauma-informed coaching is an approach that recognizes the pervasive reality and impact of trauma. It is not about directly exploring trauma but rather about being aware of the presence and impact of trauma and creating a safe, supportive environment that respects this awareness. Instead, it seeks to create a safe, supportive environment that fosters healing and growth. It involves understanding, recognizing, and responding to the effects of all types of trauma. Trauma-informed coaches emphasize safety, trustworthiness, and empowerment, and they are mindful of potential triggers, ensuring they do not re-traumatize their clients. This approach is rooted in compassion and empathy, focusing on creating a space where clients feel seen, heard, and respected.
I would say that of all the people on the planet, most of us have some sort of trauma that pinballs around in our heads. Trauma-informed just means that we understand that the past may impact a client’s reactions, responses, and choices. Even more importantly, it means that we understand that trauma does affect people, and we may not know where the danger zones are, which is crucial.
Again, ‘directionality’ is how we learn to hold space safely and ask questions in ways that ensure the coaching process does not inadvertently re-traumatize the client. The focus is that we explore for the purpose of the client’s goals and growth while maintaining an approach prioritizing safety, trust, and empowerment.
To Wrap Up
Circling back to the start. The need for coaches to have a clear understanding of directionality is crucial. Linking potentially challenging, negative, or painful topics and emotions to what the positive outcome might be is necessary to safely explore with the client what needs to be explored so they can move towards what they want.
Coaches can create safe containers for their clients by fully aligning with Core Competency 3 and creating a fully client-led agreement for the conversation; this will always support trauma-informed skills by using the client’s words, metaphors, and focus, going where the client wants to lead.
Ultimately this creates less work for the coach, less poking in the dark, trying to find what’s important for the client and the conversation—at the same time, creating a safe container for the deeper and more meaningful conversation that is possible.
And, hopefully this awareness will support you in navigating client goals with purpose and compassion, ensuring meaningful and sustainable progress and many “Aha’s” along the way.
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References
- Boyatzis, Richard, the Coaching Studio (tCS), Podcast Interview. July 11, 2024.
- deHart, Lyssa. Light Up: The Science of Coaching with Metaphors, Barn Swallow Publishing, Cascadia. 2024
- ICF Core Competencies documentation (https://coachingfederation.org)
- What is Trauma-Informed Coaching?. https://www.traumastery.com/blog/what-is-trauma-informed-coaching
- The definition of trauma-informed coaching is derived from multiple resources and principles in trauma-informed care, as outlined by various experts in the field, including the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) and publications on trauma-informed practices in psychological and therapeutic settings.
Who is Lyssa deHart?
Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC, BCC is a Leadership Confidence and Whole Life Coach, Coaching Educator, ICF Assessor, and the author of three books, StoryJacking: Change Your Inner Dialogue, Transform Your Life, the Reflective Coach, Light Up: The Science of Coaching with Metaphors,and Sticky Outcomes! at the Intersection of Coaching, Neuroscience, & Lasting Impact.
She is also the host of the Coaching Studio Podcast, a Confidence Coach, a Certified Mentor Coach, a Coaching SUPERVision Partner, an ICF PCC Assessor, and a coaching educator. Lyssa leverages her knowledge in ICF Core Competencies and neuroscience to help professional coaches enhance their client outcomes by deeply listening, being client-led, and, ultimately, empowering their clients through partnership.
In 2018 Lyssa began developing the Power of Metaphor Certification Program. This program trains coaches to tune their ears and leverage their clients' metaphors. In 2022, Lyssa developed the Updated Credentialing Exam PREP, a resource that has helped over 5000 coaches prepare for the updated ICF Exam.
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