Shifting from Fixing to Partnering in Coaching
One of the most critical shifts a coach can make in their journey towards mastery, is moving from fixing problems to deepening partnership. This change isn’t just a tweak in their technique—it’s a mindset, a transformation in perspective, especially for those pursuing Master Certified Coach (MCC) level mastery. Fixing is all about solving the client/thinker’s problem, while partnering is the co-creative conversation that leverages the thinker’s innate resourcefulness and independence, fostering an environment where discovery, growth, and insight naturally emerge.
The “Fixing” Trap: Why It Persists
Many coaches, particularly in their early careers, approach sessions with a desire to help. This helpfulness often manifests as a focus to fix the thinker’s problems. This can show up as offering solutions or guidance. While this may emerge in the conversation from goodwill and positive intentions, it has a cost. It undermines the core of coaching, which is about empowering the thinker and supporting their expertise to shine. We can never know what another person needs, or is capable of, so our solutions to their situations, often come with a lot of hubris.
Fixing often:
- The fix often centers the coach’s perspective from the coaching conversation about what needs fixing, reducing the thinker’s agency.
- It creates a hierarchical dynamic (see my article on Coach, Coachee, Thinker) and moves us away from a true partnership.
- It can also focus on quick solutions rather than deep, sustainable transformation.
This tendency is often reinforced by societal norms that value expertise and problem-solving. However, in coaching, the greatest value lies in fostering the thinker’s ability to think, feel, and act independently.
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The Fixer Mentality
Fixing can also stem from what psychology often refers to as the “fixer mentality.” Unlike being genuinely helpful, which supports both the helper and the helped, fixers often derive their self-worth from their perceived ability to help or save others.
They may neglect their own needs, overextend themselves, or seek out difficult situations to fulfill their desire to help. As noted, a fixer’s desire to help can interfere with the thinker’s agency, it pulls them out of their own flow, and steals the learning, meant for the thinker. Coaching is a thought partnership, where the coach supports the thinker to do the work.
As the fixer, you may make yourself continually available to others. This behavior can come from an internal need for something, security, value add, helpfulness, good will. Such patterns can feel rewarding in the short term but lead to burnout and unhealthy dynamics in the long run.
In his Nobel Prize acceptance speech, Bertrand Russell stated, “All human activity is prompted by desire.” Highlighting human desires can further illuminate the fixer mentality through the lens of: acquisitiveness, rivalry, vanity, and love of power. Fixers may unconsciously be driven by these desires. They may seek to accumulate achievements (acquisitiveness), compare themselves to others (rivalry), boost their self-worth (vanity), or exert influence over others (love of power). These aren’t necessarily conscious desires, they often run very deeply below the surface. But, if I get a lot of positive feedback, for being the “go to” person in my organization, it may lead straight to my sense of self as being of value, and thus continue the pattern of me hopping on the white horse and coming in to rescue the situation.
To be fair, I think that there are a lot of us who “like” being that person. Recognizing the underlying motivation can help us as coaches reflect on what hooks us and give us a choice to move toward a healthier, more empowering coaching practice. One where we take our hands off the reins of our thinker and let them learn from their own experiences.
From Fixing to Coaching Partnering: The Mindset Shift
Transitioning to a partnering approach in coaching begins with a fundamental belief: the thinker is whole, capable, and resourceful. As Fran Fisher, MCC, emphasizes, true mastery involves “being with” the thinker rather than “doing to” them. This means:
- Holding Presence: Fully attending to the thinker’s words, emotions, and energy.
- Creating Spaciousness: Using silence and pauses to allow reflection and insight.
- Fostering Collaboration: Inviting the thinker to co-create the session’s direction and focus.
MCC Principles of Partnership
When it comes to the art of coaching at the MCC level, partnership is the foundational. Showing up with curiosity, adaptability, and mutual respect, ensuring every interaction builds trust and collaboration. Here’s how that partnership takes shape:
- A Thinker-Centered Mindset: At its core, MCC coaching is about seeing the thinker as the expert in their own life. They’re resourceful, capable, and creative. Our role as coaches isn’t to provide solutions but to hold space for exploration. Think of it as being a thought partner, not a problem-solver. This approach transforms coaching into a true partnership rather than a transactional experience.
- Adaptability and Client-Led Focus: No two coaching conversations are ever the same. Staying flexible and letting the thinker’s evolving priorities guide the conversation keeps the partnership dynamic and relevant. It’s about meeting thinkers where they are and adapting as their needs shift.
- Mastery of Silence and Space: Science backs this up—curiosity and reflection thrive in spaciousness. As coaches, intentionally using silence gives thinkers the room to connect with their own insights. That quiet can lead to some of the most profound moments of growth.
- Curiosity as a Reward: Questions that spark curiosity aren’t just powerful—they’re transformative in coaching. Posing questions like “What’s most important about this for you?” or “What could this mean in the bigger picture?” taps into the brain’s reward system. It turns curiosity into a driver for deeper engagement and learning.
- Mutual Trust and Deep Partnership: Trust is cultivated when we engage as equal partners. When we celebrate progress and empower thinkers to lead us, it shifts the power dynamic. The
thinker’s voice remains central, and the relationship feels collaborative and supportive. Coaching is a supporting role, not the main role.
6. Reflection and Integration: Growth happens when thinkers see their experiences through a new lens. By inviting thinkers to explore their perspective and connect insights back to their broader context, we help them integrate meaningful and lasting change.
Practical Strategies for Partnering
- Shift Your Language: Replace directive phrases like “Let’s look at this” with collaborative inquiries such as “What is bubbling us a most important to explore today?”
- Embrace the Whole Person: Invite exploration beyond the immediate issue. Questions like “What are you noticing in your body as you say that, and what is it telling you?” or “What value or character strength could you use to honor your agreement with yourself?” open deeper dimensions of the thinker’s experience and align with their intrinsic motivations.
- Use Metaphors: Metaphors can unlock new perspectives. If a thinker shares that they feel “stuck,” getting curious with them about what they would want to change or shift, “What would be different if you were no longer stuck?” This approach not only deepens awareness but also taps into the thinker’s creative and intuitive thinking.
- Practice Compassionate Detachment: When offering observations or intuitions, remain unattached. We don’t need to be right. This allows us to be compassionate to the struggle, without and attachment to the outcome. We can offer observations, but aways be checking your hypothesis with the thinker: “I noticed, xyz. What if anything resonates for you?”
- Celebrate Autonomy: Acknowledge the thinker’s insights and progress. For example, “I appreciate the courage being demonstrated when you took that step.” This reinforces the thinker’s agency, autonomy, and also awareness. They might not have seen the step as courageous until we share the observation. It’s still theirs to own, but we are allowed to make visible the observation.
- Cultivate Curiosity: Encourage thinkers to embrace curiosity as a tool for growth. Create opportunities for the thinker to reflect on what they want to know and why. Curiosity is one of human being most important capacities, and there is a gift in having the opportunity to be curious with oneself. Curiosity, especially in relation to forward momentum, aligns with the neuroscience of learning and growth.
Mentor Coaching, Self-Reflection, and Supervision
Making the shift from a “fixer mindset” to a partnering mindset takes intentionality and practice. Yes, that means you are going to need to record your coaching, and you are probably going to want/need some unbiased person to assess your work. This can be scary, yet, coaching poorly, is a problem. Cementing in bad habits in to “this is just how I coach,” is a very different mindset. Mentor coaching, transcript analysis, and coaching supervision are all powerful tools to uncover and address the hooks and triggers that pull us toward fixing.
These reflective practices provide invaluable feedback and insights, helping coaches:
- When you see what the thinker offered and what you asked or said in response, you can start to see patterns. Especially in coaching that leans toward solving rather than partnering.
- Self-awareness is key. We need to be curious with ourselves about what drives the desire to solve for and to fix.
- Through self-awareness, we can then develop strategies to stay present and empower the client’s autonomy.
The MCC Evolution: From Skills to Artistry
Achieving MCC-level coaching involves an evolution from skillful execution to coaching as a fluid art form. This shift requires deep self-awareness, curiosity, and a commitment to ongoing growth and development. I like to share the story that I want to be a 300,000 mile Toyota truck. At 2500 miles (client hours required to submit an application for MCC), I am basically a new car. I don’t think we could even get much of a discount on a truck with 2500 miles. And, I have miles of road ahead of me, my growth doesn’t end at the beginning of MCC.
So, if it’s true that MCC coaches embody flexibility, creativity, and fluidity, responding to the thinker’s needs in the moment, I want to say that they need to continue to do their own work. I recently had an MCC assessor assess one of my calls. I was a very good PCC, edging into MCC, but the call wouldn’t have passed an MCC assessment. Good learning, how our habits and other roles we hold can leak into our coaching.
Key Competencies in Action
- Listening Deeply is not just about hearing words but also about picking up on the energy and emotions behind them. A strong coach aligns with the thinker’s desired outcomes while staying attuned to their underlying context.
- Asking Insightful Questions: Great coaching often involves asking simple, clean, but powerful questions that spark clarity and self-awareness. This is my own growth edge, for sure.
- Being Fully Present with the person you are engaging with.
- Create space for the Thinker to Connect the Dots: Once insights emerge, it’s about anchoring them so that the thinker sees how these discoveries fit into their bigger picture. This ensures their growth isn’t just conceptual but translates into meaningful action and progress.
Light Up!
Light Up is a must read for both new and experienced coaches, showing you how to use the transformative power of metaphors. Lyssa translates theoretical insights into effective coaching practices to leverage the power of metaphors in fostering meaningful client transformations. With multiple coaching demonstrations and significant examples, this book will help you create many lightbulb moments in your coaching conversations.
Dr. Marcia Reynolds, MCC
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Light Up: The Science of Coaching with Metaphors
Light Up is a transformative read for coaches and therapists at any level. It illustrates the vital role of metaphors in coaching and delves into how metaphors clarify complex emotions and thoughts, aiding clients in better understanding themselves.
In Conclusion
The evolution as a coach, is one of moving from fixing to partnering. This is not only a professional development milestone but the transformational journey of your craft. It asks coaches to release their need to solve and instead embrace the process of co-creation. By honoring the thinker’s autonomy and resourcefulness, coaches at all levels—and particularly at the MCC level—can create powerful, sustainable impacts that ripple far beyond the coaching conversation.
As you reflect on your own coaching practice, consider: How can you deepen your partnership with thinkers? What would it take to fully trust their ability to lead the way? By fostering curiosity and creating spaciousness, you not only elevate your coaching but also empower your thinkers to craft lives of greater meaning and purpose. If you’re ready to take the next step, I would love to have a conversation with you and explore options to refine your approach, as you embody the true artfulness of your coaching.
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References
- Popova, Maria. “The Four Desires Driving All Human Behavior: Bertrand Russell’s Magnificent Nobel Prize Acceptance Speech.” The Marginalian, May 13, 2016.
https://www.themarginalian.org/2015/09/21/bertrand-russell-nobel-prize-acceptance-speech/ - Fisher, F. (2021, September 16). 13 Quick tips to go Deeper with your coaching! | By Fran Fisher MCC. The Coaching Tools Company. https://www.thecoachingtoolscompany.com/13-quick-tips-to-deepen-your-coaching-fran-fisher-mcc/
- Parker, S., PhD. (2023, February 26). Start by accepting that there are things that cannot be fixed. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/embracing-unrest/202302/overcome-the-fixing-fixation
Who is Lyssa deHart?
Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC, BCC is a Leadership Confidence and Whole Life Coach, Coaching Educator, ICF Assessor, and the author of three books, StoryJacking: Change Your Inner Dialogue, Transform Your Life, the Reflective Coach, Light Up: The Science of Coaching with Metaphors,and Sticky Outcomes! at the Intersection of Coaching, Neuroscience, & Lasting Impact.
She is also the host of the Coaching Studio Podcast, a Confidence Coach, a Certified Mentor Coach, a Coaching SUPERVision Partner, an ICF PCC Assessor, and a coaching educator. Lyssa leverages her knowledge in ICF Core Competencies and neuroscience to help professional coaches enhance their client outcomes by deeply listening, being client-led, and, ultimately, empowering their clients through partnership.
In 2018 Lyssa began developing the Power of Metaphor Certification Program. This program trains coaches to tune their ears and leverage their clients' metaphors. In 2022, Lyssa developed the Updated Credentialing Exam PREP, a resource that has helped over 5000 coaches prepare for the updated ICF Exam.
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