Season 2, Episode 26

Welcome to the Coaching Studio Podcast

This podcast features fun, lively conversations with masterful coaches who are creating an impact. Get to know them, their journey into coaching, and discover what wisdom they would offer you about being a better coach.

Let’s go!

Welcome to the Coaching Studio Ben Dooley, MCC

the Coaching Studio Guest

I am very excited to welcome Ben Dooley, MCC to the Coaching Studio Podcast.

Credits

  • Host: Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC
  • Music: Frolic by Harrison Amer
  • Production Editing: Lyssa deHart
  • Social Media and Communications: Michele Logan

About This Episode

I am looking forward to introducing you to my guest today Ben Dooley, MCC. Join us as we discuss Ben’s thoughts on what coaches need to hear about marketing, coaching, and clowning around. Ben shares his secret to everything, ABC! You’ll have to listen to find out what the acronym stands for, but I can tell you it deserves the exclamation point.

Ben is a Master Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation. Ben came out of an acting background only to discover himself in coach training. Ben states, “When I walked in that first day of training, it was something in me, woke up that I didn’t even know had been asleep my whole life.”

Ben Dooley, MCC is awesome. (So are you.) And he’s here to help you bring your awesome fully into the world. Whether it’s through the bi-weekly “COACHING SKILLS FORUM” telecalls, “The Fast Pass to Masterful Coaching” advanced coach training program, his Masterful YOU membership (packed with videos, audios, and more), or one-on-one mentoring, he is committed to stretch and grow coaches of ALL levels (ACC to MCC and beyond) into full confidence, full power, full-range, full impact coaches. In other words, to help you BE the Masterful coach you are truly here to BE. And your journey continues to deepen right now.

 
Book(s):
Finding Your First Five Clients: The Beginning Basics to Blast off and Build a Beautiful and Bountiful Coaching Business and The First 100 days of Your MasterFull Coaching

Read the transcript of this episode of the Coaching Studio Podcast:

00:00

Lyssa

Hi Lyssa deHart here, welcome to the Coaching Studio. Today in the studio, my guest is Ben Dooley, he is a Master Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation and you can find all his details down below. If you want to get more information, I’ll have links to everything for you. And so I want to just start by saying Ben, welcome to the studio, thank you so much for being here today.

00:24

Ben

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me here today. I we were talking about the other, some other podcasts and such that are out there and I so love that this is becoming more of a trend of coaches and people who are so hungry and curious about coaching. That they’re going out and finding more people because I run into coaches all the time that are like where can I find this? Where can I like here, here’s where you go to start learning more, go to these podcasts. So thank you.

00:54

Lyssa

So, go, and it’s really lovely because there’s so many different coaches out there who you know, attained an MCC credential. And I think it’s important for people to really learn a little something about that journey. And in many ways just to be totally transparent, I think it’s because I would love to see more people, whether or not they get their credential or not, I don’t care, but that they’re growing their own coaching capacity to more of that partnership and invitational um sort of space which MCC often inhabit very beautifully. So, so let’s start with the first question I’m really curious, you know, what, what influenced you as you decided to become a coach

01:39

Ben

I, years ago, at the time of this taping almost 19. 5 years ago, um actually a bit longer than that I was um I was doing like self-development classes. I was taking and for my own growth and development. And there was a particular course that I found really exciting and engaging and empowering and so I was repeating it, to deepen the learning and they said, well you know if you’re doing this the second time you can partner up with somebody and then kind of be their support. Okay, and that will, and of course, they’re selling it like that will deepen your learning, you’ll be handling it from that I can learn more. So I partnered up with Bob. And then in between our weekly classes, we would get on the phone and say, so Bob was going well, “You know, my boss is an idiot, and now this is kind of frustrating and I’m dealing with this crap. ” Okay, well, so do you remember that lesson that we had last week where our instructor was talking about this and this and this? Oh yeah, yeah, you’re right, okay, so I mean like, you know, what are you thinking about that? And I realized really quickly, I was getting more out of that experience than I was of the content that they were teaching, I talked with a friend of mine and I was telling her about this and she was she was in the educational world and so, you know, with school counseling. And So she had her ear into that and she said, you know, there’s this thing called coaching. [this thing] This is about 20, almost 20 years ago. So coaching really was kind of just isolated to the California, West Coast, woo woo thing. And in small little pockets elsewhere, but it wasn’t really commodity the way it is now. Certainly not worldwide. And so there’s this thing called coaching where you can actually like get paid and this could be your business. And I said, stop lying to me, you’re full of crap. And she said no, really. And so I researched, sure enough, I researched, here’s a school. There was only like four schools really to choose from. There was a few more, but I found one that I really liked, that interested me. And I, by the same token, my mom had just met a woman who had gone through the training I was looking at and I said, mom, I’m looking to do this thing called coaching, I just met a coach. So it was this sort of serendipitous timing of so much. And when I walked into training and I know there’s so many coaches who have had their version of this, but me was so crystal clear. When I walked in that first day of training, it was something in me, woke up that I didn’t even know had been asleep my whole life. Something woke up now. I had spent pre that time, committed to being an actor. I had done my entire college was acting training. I spent all my money on classes and courses, I was auditioning, I was building my business, I was doing that, I was you know, seeking my fame and fortune in the big city, all that stuff. And I knew without a doubt because as an actor and as an artist, it is a powerful nobody becomes an artist of any type because it’s a lucrative money-making money-making opportunity, mm It is an artistic expression. It is, I need to be here because a part of me comes alive and is expressed. And so for me that was acting for forever and ever. When I walked into my coach training, whole new version of that became right in front of me and I went, I get to be this now. [Yeah]. And and literally since that moment, 20, almost 20 years later, I’ve never looked back a completely new direction.

05:46

Lyssa

That’s beautiful. I love the idea that something and you just woke up that’s just beautiful.

05:50

Ben

and I’ve seen that with so many coaches that I’ve worked with, you know, or that that part of me that got to be expressed as an actor suddenly went, I can do this. Oh.

06:04

Lyssa

Yeah, yeah, I really appreciate that, I really appreciate that. And yet when you began coaching and you began this journey, how has your perception of coaching itself changed through the years?

06:20

Ben

Um I think my perception has changed, not necessarily identically, but uh as the profession has changed, so coaching in the early days was really, it was really about helping people work through their issues. Um get through their blocks achieve their success. You know, kind of, and it was, it was a lot of, it was in tandem with the stuff that I was learning in that self-development self-development work. But I was learning how to do it with somebody for somebody um alright, how to help them do it. And coaching over the years has evolved and shifted into so many different colors and shades and this magnificent rainbow of accomplishment and growth and expression and creativity and productivity and everything, so it’s really been fascinating to watch it. And at the same token, my own journey, once I completed my training, there was nothing else like, and then what got trained well then you do certification? Okay, certification is the exact same thing, just deeper. So there’s no there was, there was no and then what, and so I was desperately hungry for what else. And so that ended up being my own course. So my own discovery of coaching deepened because of my hunger and passion for wanting to know more about what this coaching thing was. That nobody knew and nobody was saying and out of that really got to recognize deeper layers that’s I do in my training, I do with my one on one work, I work especially with coaches who are ready for that, what’s next?

08:22

Lyssa

Yeah, yeah. And I think it’s a really, oh, go ahead.

08:26

Ben

really quickly and what I discovered is that a lot of our coaching is kind of up here kind of on the surface and it’s good work, but there is so much underneath that we’re not typically accessing and so to sort of paraphrase a myth, a myth. You know, we say that we use 10% of our brains, Um we really, in many ways we’re using 10% of our emotions. We’re accessing 10% of our body and our inner with

09:00

Lyssa

The Somatics

09:01

Ben

And somatic, we’re really living 10% of our lives give or take a number. but it’s…

09:11

Lyssa

Give or take another 10% or so…

09:13

Ben

You said it was 10% why? It’s really 13, I don’t care. Um but what I really recognize that in this work that we do, we’re also really, across the board, Where most of the time really accessing only about 10 coaching power.

09:31

Lyssa

right now and I really agree with you. And I mean there’s several things that you said, one of them is, you know, most coaching really takes place and I love, I mean the iceberg theory is just such a nice, simple way of looking at it, you know, actions, results, actions, results, actions, results, but until you like until you dive below the water line and get to what is really driving that. And that you’re brave enough and courageous enough and frankly self awareself-awareenough to begin to ask those kinds of what’s next and what is really happening here and what am I gonna be brave enough to ask? Um the coaching stays very situational and, and, and, and not in a bad way because it can be incredibly useful, but a bit superficial. It doesn’t really change the clients, in a sustainable long term way often often because like the percentage, you know, some people get great success just working on actions and results. So there’s always the people who do so yeah, no, I appreciate that you were about to say something, what’s that…

10:36

Ben

Oh its, remember I said this could actually go into a complete tangent to fill the entire thing, but I know you have more questions.

10:43

Lyssa

I do, I have more questions for you. What was it for you the challenge as you were developing your own coaching practice? And, and actually even that movement from beginning ACC and like ah this is so amazing into PCC like what do you see are the challenges that you navigated in order to get to MCC?

11:06

Ben

Okay, um, I’ll try to keep this succinct. so uh, the um, the, the challenge, the first and foremost challenge that I discovered because it came from an acting background. I was a skilled actor, I did commercials, radio spots, toys, uh, stage, musicals, I mean, audiobooks, everything. Um, so the skill was never an issue for me. It was always the business side of it and the marketing and the promoting and the staying on it and the feeding and the constantly. And I had friends and colleagues in the biz who, you know, I was making, I was making enough to support myself, have some extra money for fun. You know, I was doing okay for years. I was doing okay. But I had friends who were supporting their families, they were making coin. And they were treating it like a business. I was treating it like a money-making hobby. Mm So I knew when I walked into coaching and when I felt that awakening and I had a really instant hard truth. If I’m going to invest, several thousands of dollars to do this, I’m not making a lateral move to do it and just make the same okay money. If I’m gonna do this, I’m gonna, otherwise I’ll just stay doing what I’m doing. But if I’m gonna do this, I need to learn business, I need to learn marketing, I need to learn branding. This is the two worlds really with any business. You’ve got product and then you’ve got, you know how it’s presented it. And the marketing and the sales and all that stuff and those were foreign worlds to me. They were uncomfortable, they challenged my own comfort zone, my own skill sets. Um, it was, it was a whole new world, which is very common because… And this is my theory, but I have yet to have it been disproven. Um the type of person who’s typically attracted to coaching is typically not the type of person who would be typically attracted to business and marketing and all of that

13:39

Lyssa

Buy my stuff and one more thing for $9. 99, you know.

13:44

Ben

Exactly. And then we’re inundated, we are drowning in poor marketing. And and intrusive marketing. And deceptive marketing and inauthentic marketing. Were trained that marketing and business and money and sales is now something to be avoided and despised and resisted. So there’s a lot that comes up and so, and and that’s a different mindset and whole life set. Than somebody who is, I want to help people, I love this and this, this feeds my soul and all this wonderful stuff that attracts coaches, but we got to get the business.

14:33

Lyssa

You know, and as you, you’re saying that the thing that really shows up for me is just the, you know, you, you, I I absolutely agree with you, you know, we come into this business typically as people who care about other people and want to be useful. Um and we want to support people to make changes and there’s this other factor that we really have to explore because otherwise, it’s to your point, a hobby that I make some money at. Versus a business that I’m growing so that I can actually support myself. And I think there is a, if I’m hearing you correctly, you know, there is that journey that we have to make, where we become, whether it is, I don’t know the confidence to, to learn how to market in an authentic way that resonates for us so that we’re not like, hey, I can get you like 12 clients a day for the next month, you know. Or you can make a million dollars a month. But I think that that fear that underlies um that shift from, you know, client-facing to, to potential client-facing is, is the thing that leaves people very vulnerable to all of that, to your point, not truthful advertising. About how you build a coaching business. And I mean, and so I’m really curious. I know you started your coaching journey 19 years ago. I mean when did you discover you really needed to look at this as a business and how long has that journey been?

16:00

Ben

Right off the bat? And it was actually perfect timing because my class, my uh school, they said by the way, uh, and this was like literally our first weekend of training and they said by the way, we’re launching a brand new business development program and [I’m in] invite you in one of the, what was it in the, the pilgrim pioneering. Um, I think it might have been one of like the pioneers or something like that, you know, and I was like me!!! Because I don’t know this stuff and it’s freaking me out. So, so, so that was the big thing that I learned early on. But you brought up something that’s actually now we’ve got this, that’s logistics, that’s stuff that you can get from a book, you can get from a class, you can go online and

16:52

Lyssa

LinkedIn has a class on it for free exactly.

16:54

Ben

In the information age, now, all of that, those logistics and details and steps and stages is available

17:01

Lyssa

Youtube

17:03

Ben

or a class or whatever and yeah, I mean free is great. Class, let’s not diminish when you’re working with an expert, they’re going to teach you and walk you through the specifics and train you hopefully. So, um, so just because it’s free doesn’t mean it’s great, but it’s out there is what I’m saying. What’s what’s missing and what can’t get found online and what can’t get taught easily is what you pointed to so beautifully, which is the confidence, in what I am selling. And the, one of the things that makes it so challenging and difficult is, well, first off, it’s hard to sell something when you’re, you haven’t really racked up proof. And you really and you’re new at this and it drives me insane where you know that this magic formula of like how do I get clients? We’ll just put yourself out there. You know what, if it was that easy, we’d all be doing it. So stop with that magic advice, by the way, coaches treat the people that you’re working with like you would your clients, and stop telling them what to do. Help them discover little tangent of my own soapbox. But anyways, um but what was needed was the confidence and what makes it additionally difficult is that again, you brought up, also, our clients are coming to us, just the only thing they care about is “my problem and it needs to be fixed, ” That’s it. Can you fix my problem? And

18:44

Lyssa

it’s a vicious circle,

18:45

Ben

coaching is not about fixing problems. Oh, crap!

18:52

Lyssa

But such an easy hook. Let me try.

18:55

Ben

Wait. So I’m gonna have, I’m gonna market myself to, I can’t promise you results, but please give me money and we’ll see what can happen. And that’s what it starts to feel like. So, so that deflates our confidence in what we do. We’re so excited. We see all what’s possible in our training, we’re practicing with each other, we’re learning this coaching is so amazing, so incredible, so amazing. And then we suddenly get out there into the real world and nobody cares, nobody’s buying coaching. I promise, anybody watching this and I know you can back this up, not a single person is, but there nobody’s wandering the streets, where is a coach I want to coach. Nobody is buying coaching, they’re buying results and we can’t deliver and promise those results, because that’s not coaching. That’s consulting, that’s expertise, that’s teaching training, but that’s not coaching.

19:58

Lyssa

you know? But what I would say here is that they are also buying relationships and so, and so at that point, you know, it becomes how are you building relationships versus trying to make a sale? Um and that’s a, that’s that may take us down a complete rabbit hole, that…

20:19

Ben

But here’s the steps because if we look at the stages. What they’re looking for is fix my problem, what gets them to pay attention and be interested is what you are bringing your brand, your style, your magic secret sauce, your essence, your whatever, your track record, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, all of that stuff. And what has them saying, YES, is the relationship that is sparking. Because that’s in that relationship is when they get to see this is what’s possible. Yeah, So that’s you absolutely nailed. That’s the trick. And that’s something that took me years to discover because nobody was necessarily teaching that they were teaching the logistics and the mechanics of marketing and sales, they weren’t talking about that part of it.

21:14

Lyssa

Yeah.

21:14

Ben

And since then, I’m not the only one I’ve run into many other coaches and trainers who to do this, but it was not out there for a long time.

21:21

Lyssa

Yeah, well, and I think it’s even just, it’s even just in a larger cultural way within organizational businesses. It’s people are starting to have more of a sense of, you know, we are helping a friend solve a problem. Um and granted coaches aren’t solving a problem necessarily. But if, you know, you said something earlier and that that idea of, you know, um if you’re versus consultant versus a coach and I’ve been playing with this, because the first time I heard um teach a man to fish, feed him for his life, give a man a fish feed him for the day was in probably 1919, 19, 1990, Like I heard it a long time ago, and…

22:05

Ben

Then you take them to Costco and they just get fish in bulk.

22:06

Lyssa

And, and that’s the point, right? Like if if I’m going to just give you fish, if I’m going to just feed you fish, I’m a fish marketer I’m not a coach at that point. And if I’m going to be a coach, then what are, what is the way that I’m gonna be in relationship with you, whoever the client is, how am I going to be in a relationship with you? Where what I do is I use my expertise not to feed you fish, but rather to be curious with you in ways that you start to discover your own internal, you know, wisdom. Whether it’s your own body wisdom, your own thinking wisdom, your own experiential wisdom. All the things that, you know, and and I think that when we go back to this marketing piece, I think part of it is, I think a lot of times coaches, especially new coaches and I’m guessing here, just from my own experience, when I was a new coach was, I didn’t really know how to have that conversation with somebody in any kind of elegant way. So it really sounded choppy and I wasn’t certain and that uncertainty played a huge part also in the clients that were like, I don’t know if I want to take a chance on this because this is gonna cost money. And you don’t sound like you know what you’re talking about. So, you know, part of it is also getting clarity about like what it is that I do and I mean, I think giving, doing like in the chemistry session, be a coach, start giving that experience of being a coach to the person and then they go, this is great. Like I haven’t had a conversation like this in years. And they walk away feeling like a genius and they like you. And then they want to come back and have more of that. That’s my thought.

23:45

Ben

Absolutely, I’m gonna take that even one step further.

23:47

Lyssa

You do it!

23:48

Ben

Okay, so this is this shameless promotion. This is part of my advanced coach training program, The fast past masterful coaching. This is a small teeny tiny little portion, but there’s a mythology that we we do this and then we set the discovery session and then we get the agreements and then we, when we get on the call, we then get the agenda established and then after all that stuff is said and done, then we finally get to cover and I said tremendous, well we get trained that though.

24:28

Lyssa

I I agree with you, but I also think I’m agreeing with what you’re, I’m pre agreeing with what I know is going to come out of your mouth.

24:37

Ben

Here it comes, right. So this is a constant thing and even when it’s not directly taught, we start giving, being given structures like, okay first you need to get, you cannot coach unless you have a clear agenda, alright, so you’re gonna need to get the agenda clear and then you can coach totally well intentioned. But it starts to become this undercurrent of misled. And so the simple thing is, and our coaching, everything is all about ABC, high quality graphics,

25:10

Lyssa

wow, A B C

25:13

Ben

Always Be Coaching, Always Be Coaching, Always Be Coaching. And that’s it. To write what you said, when you’re seeking the agenda, you’re coaching them when you’re doing a discovery session, you’re freaking coaching them. When you’re marketing, you’re coaching in a coaching conversation to just not one person, you’re in a very limited structured, restrained “coaching” with your viewers. When you’re having a sales conversation, you’re having a coaching conversation. It’s just like the topic and the language changes.

25:57

Lyssa

Yeah, I can tell you’re not passionate about this at all.

26:00

Ben

Not at all.

26:01

Lyssa

So Always Be Coaching.

26:06

Ben

Always Be Coaching and you’d be amazed how even in my class after lesson after lesson they still go okay so like well I mean what about this thing? Coach it

26:17

Lyssa

and I like to always be coaching because it’s bringing a little Glengarry Glen Ross into this conversation, and I prefer the Always Be Coaching version. Yeah well and you are an actor from New York so you know you know all that stuff. Um Let me ask. Oh, go ahead…

26:37

Ben

Next question next question.

26:38

Lyssa

Yeah so you know we have a new competency, the coaching mindset and I’m curious how do you personally take care of yourself and continue your own learning and development and self-reflective practice?

26:54

Ben

That’s all revealed in my advanced coach training program.

27:01

Lyssa

[laughter] Stop that.

27:03

Ben

Actually. Um So it is. Um and I um I also have taken every single core competency and kind of rewritten it, to a deeper level. It’s not to say that what they do is wrong because actually, I like the redesign of the core competencies. A lot of the redesigning was stuff that I had redesigned when I was training. Going, I know they say this but don’t do this instead. So then I. C. F. Is doing it and it’s great they’ve redesigned. Mindset is a very easily overused, misused, misunderstood, and kinda vapid worthless word sometimes. Because it’s diluted it’s we hear it all the time. And so and so there’s something about, yes I get the mindset but there’s actually something bigger so it’s a lot about really and this is the this is one of the crux things that I know you’re gonna ask like, oh well what did you discover and what did you. One of the crux things that I discovered was there’s a coach within us, that’s the coach that woke up. [Mhm. ] Part of me that went, oh I’m here. Mhm. That coach inside you, inside me, inside of you. The listen, the viewer here, that coach is incredibly beautiful and brilliant and powerful. And that coach that is has his or her own mindset heart set spirit, body, everything. So it’s really just remembering and connecting to this brilliant, powerful, wise, generous, creative committed coach. And whatever it is for you. So it’s the identifying of who is this here just having a generic coaching mindset as ICF lays it out is fine because it’s well a coach does this and it’s not therapy and it’s not this, but it is this, that’s great. But that deeper part of this is who I am when I am and that is all the difference. Absolutely

29:44

Lyssa

Nice. What is something that we would never guess about you? And I have a few guesses about you that I could just make, but I’d love to hear something we wouldn’t just guess about you.

30:00

Ben

All right, you want to guess first or…

30:07

Lyssa

Always Be Coaching. No I am joking.

30:09

Ben

Okay, I got two things that that one is one is probably gonna be like, Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Um before I got into coaching way many years ago, I was actually, I spent a couple of summers touring in a small town circus. And was a clown in the circus. Now, from that, there’s some powerful, powerful learning because once I got my nose. One of the things that I learned was that in this kind of ties in with what I was just talking about. When you put on the makeup, there’s something that happens where you become this persona. You become this energy. You become this character, you talk, you act, you walk, you think you react, you engage as this persona that you’ve identified and created. And as a result everybody else buys into it. I got away with things that I would know. I could be arrested for. I would walk anywhere. We would do shows at like shopping malls and during breaks, I would go walking around and I’d start pulling things off of shelves and rearranging it in the stores. I would go into the fountains and start picking up loose change. And you know, and I would, I mean I could do anything and get away with it. So there’s something that happens when we put on that mask. And there’s something that happens as I learned when we take off that mask and we see what’s really inside and that we still have the same permission to show up fully and authentically and powerfully. That we actually, we have so much more permission to show up than we think that’s also one of the things that we get to bring into coaching with our clients is to help them. Well, but I can’t because well I shouldn’t, well it’s not right. It’s not proper and I should just confine and restraint and hold and actually you are here. I don’t know what happens after this. I don’t know what happens when we die. My greatest wish is that in that split moment when I die, I go, oh that’s what happened. Oh boy, I was off. Okay. Um, but right now I don’t know. None of us do. We have guesses. We have strong beliefs based on teachings and religions and books and what other people have said, but none of us actually knows what happened. We don’t. So with that to the best of our knowledge, our knowledge, we have just this life. We might have more later on. We just don’t know. But we, we do know we have this life so we’re here to live it fully. And every day we don’t is just a day that we’re not stepping into the valuable, irreplaceable gift that each of us have been given.

33:10

Lyssa

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And you know, I mean I think that that it’s so important. Is that that reminder right that that how are we fully embodying our life right? And and I didn’t know that you were a clown and I do wonder, do you still go into shopping malls and rearrange things on…

33:39

Ben

No.

33:41

Lyssa

No.

33:41

Ben

My favorite though was that we decided to get my partner and I decided to get our ears pierced. Um, and so we went, I am the loud obnoxious clown clown. And so I am, you know, the woman is just doing the alcohol and we’re in makeup by the way, we thought it’d be funny to do it dress and so she’s like just swatting the alcohol and, and I’m causing a panic and screaming and causing a commotion. And I mean people are walking by like what is happening to this poor man. I probably drove away and down.

34:15

Lyssa

This is an art project.

34:16

Ben

Meanwhile my partner is the silent clown. And so he’s busy signing and he starts to actually pass out from the, from the ear piercing. And so he and nobody can understand what’s going on and we all think it’s a bit, but he’s literally really going down and it’s just like,

34:37

Lyssa

yeah, memories that you, that you will never forget and fully lived fully lived.

34:46

Ben

So next question, yes what?

34:48

Lyssa

Yeah. So you know what is something that you my share with someone wanting to become more masterful in their coaching? And I think you’ve already shared a lot. So I don’t know, there’s just like besides always be coaching, Is there any other tidbit that you offer?

35:08

Ben

And even the even they always be coaching. That’s the general construct, but there’s like so many, but how, but yeah, but what, and that’s the stuff where even in concept? We get the concept but it’s looking at great now what what’s getting in the way of that? What’s derailing what’s short circuiting? Where are we unconsciously making exceptions?

35:34

Lyssa

Mhm.

35:35

Ben

So um so that so it is it’s a simple concept but it also can be a little radical. It can certainly fly in the face of what we have either been taught or what we think we’ve been taught. But that’s really the step that makes the difference that we’re not just compartmentalizing our skill and we set up the chess pieces and get ready in order to. It’s that we show up. So so the big insight, I’m gonna actually tell you, tell everybody the secret on how to get your MCC.

36:16

Lyssa

Okay, we’re ready. drum roll…

36:20

Ben

And it’s and this is actually everybody this whole big mythology. It’s so hard and it’s all this failure is like this is this is is easy. This is exactly how I and how every other MCC got there. MCC… Drum roll. Here we go. Drumroll… I simply did it right twice.

36:44

Lyssa

Yeah.

36:45

Ben

I sent him to recordings That somebody else or maybe two,

36:51

Lyssa

Two somebodies.

36:51

Ben

Someone else agreed and said in their opinion, not going to debate, trained, informed of their opinion. That’s really excellent. I failed my MCC by sending in two recordings that, however brilliant I thought they were, and other people thought they were. Whoever was the one or 2 or however individuals who evaluated for that purpose, disagreed.

37:22

Lyssa

Mhm.

37:23

Ben

For whatever reason right or wrong. Good or bad. All it was was a performance. I just performed my coaching. Here look at my coaching. Listen to it. Tell me what you think that’s it. That is how every single MCC got their MCC, is by performing it twice to somebody else’s criteria. That’s it.

37:48

Lyssa

Interesting.

37:50

Ben

Yeah. Am I wrong?

37:53

Lyssa

I don’t think that you are wrong because I passed two assessments. There you go.

38:02

Ben

And when I brought this up by the way this can sometimes piss off MCC because we hold we hold our credential like such

38:10

Lyssa

I really am trying to kick that pedestal out from under MCC. Because I think it’s a bit of an ego trip in that regard.

38:18

Ben

I’m an MCC. She oh and I’ve had coaches go but, well no no no it’s a lot of hard work. Sure everything is it’s hard to get your PCC. It’s hard to get your ACC. Congratulations you just did it longer. So what we’re really talking about and this is the thing that again like those M. C. C. S. This is not to devalue what we do and who we are but it’s to really recognize it’s a performance and you just do it right. And then they go yes here you go. And I’ve known amazing brilliant ACC coaches who are doing incredible amazing coaching. I know MCC coaches who are coaching for crap.

39:07

Lyssa

Yeah

39:09

Ben

If you’re offended by it, then you’re one of them. So [what? ] And viewer if you’re offended by that, you’re one of them.

39:16

Lyssa

Got it. I was like, wait a minute, what?

39:18

Ben

You know, not you, no. There’s a difference, this is the other big thing that it really sank in when I discovered it, there’s a big difference between doing MCC coaching

39:32

Lyssa

and being,

39:33

Ben

And being that masterful coach. Because Forrest Gump got it right man. Forrest Gump, “Mom always said stupid is as stupid does. ” Right now, that’s a little bit of derogatory, a little insulting. But there’s something here that’s true, Stupid is as stupid does, is basically saying if you see yourself this way, if you, if you think this way, if you this way you’re going to act this way. And so the same is true, this is what we coach, this is what you and I just got done talking about, is that deeper thing. How do you see yourself, how are you showing up, and what do you believe is true about you? So that inner you, that inner masterful coach, when we connect to them, we bring them out. That coach masterful is as masterful does. So when we are that coach, those MCC performances are easy.

40:38

Lyssa

Yeah, and I just, I think the only thing I want to just say is the the language ng of performance. I want to be really clear that it’s not that this is a pretend I’m acting, but it is a way of, I’m demonstrating my presence and capacity to be in curiosity and partnership with another human being. And that’s the performance like and I talked about this with my mentor coaching clients also look, you may not always coach this way, but you do need to, if you’re going to throw this in for an assessment, you do need to be able to demonstrate you have the capacity to be in deep partnership with a client. And I’m hearing your languaging of performance, but I believe that what you’re talking about is not like a performance art piece, but rather I truly being present with that coach inside of yourself and with the human being that you’re talking to.

41:36

Ben

No, we, you were right the first time. Because what it is is we’re all they have is what they see, it’s whatever it is we’re putting out there, they have no experience of our inner mindset and all of this wonderful woo woo stuff and they have no idea of the interaction and the engagement and the energy and the flow with the clients and all of that all they get is what they see in hearand that’s the performance of it’s not that we’re putting on a show.

42:03

Lyssa

Which is I think that that’s the, that’s the caveat to this. Yeah.

42:06

Ben

But we are on display and by the way, here’s the other little thing that throws off somebody cause I know you’re under those all the time you just said this, you gotta check off all the boxes without looking like you’re checking off all the boxes. So, so there’s a, you’re doing a, you’re performing your coaching without putting on a show. But notice how that starts to become contradictory. And I got to make sure I’m doing it right. And what do they want and what do they say? And am I listening in? Nothing? Am I asking the right questions and am I, is there a deeper awareness? Ooh, I got to give him an assignment and homework? Oh, I gotta do, oh wait, am I doing ethics? Right? What, where is my mindset? Where is my mindset? And I present my present, guess what? You’re not any of this.

42:54

Lyssa

You’re to much in your head at that point? Yeah.

42:56

Ben

And so it’s again, it’s yet connected this coach and let that coach put the human part of you to the side that is trying so hard to do it right and to make it work and all of that. And let this coach get into the driver’s seat and that is easier said than done, takes attention, it takes willingness, it takes practice, it takes recognizing and wanting it. But that is ultimately the secret that made MCC easy.

43:33

Lyssa

Yeah. So Ben just a quick little blurb about what are you involved with today and where can listeners find you?

43:42

Ben

Oh my goodness! What am I not involved in? Um how there’s a couple of things. Um so I’ve got a brand new Facebook group called Masterfull You, a coaching community and that’s where I get to jump in and spout these little insights and nuggets and more. Um, and that’s absolutely free to join in. Um, but I have also to things that Absolutely every coach should know about. one is the coaching skills forum, the remember I said by hunger and my quest for, there’s got to be more. And there was no more. And so I created these calls 16. 5 years ago. That focus any coach that shows up is part of the conversation you got to come. Um and we talked twice a month and we focus on a single aspect, a single skill of our coaching in deep, provocative conversation. This goes where, this does not the stuff that comes up on these calls, don’t come up in other trainings and elsewhere where they may come up, well this was from here, but maybe I’m sorry, but this is all like, and even all coaches, even MCCs come to these calls and go, wow, I hadn’t thought about it that way. That totally opens up a whole new level

45:09

Lyssa

Ok, I’ll be on that call, and I’ll have a link so that people can find that.

45:13

Ben

By the way, those calls are free.

45:15

Lyssa

Nice.

45:16

Ben

And and on the website, part of my new membership platform that I’m building is you have access to at the time of this over 380 recordings you can listen to one a day for free, get deep, powerful, learning all year. So there’s that and then there’s the class that I teach, which is the fast Pass to Masterfull Coaching. Which is I would put up against every other coach training out there. This is I’ve yet to find there’s some great trainings out there, but nothing that targets the coach and the growing and the skill sets and not just the prescription of you need to do this instead. It’s growing the coach so that you know what to do, you know how to handle all the unexpected, any unexpected thing that shows up anything your client, the most audacious, insane, ridiculous, overwhelming freaking out problems, why it brings you got it, bring it on, it’s all there. So I, I highly invite all of anybody watching this to join. And check that out and I’ll go even one more, anybody who’s watching this, You, you people are special, let me know, Hey, I saw you on the… Great and I will then give you a 10% discount

46:42

Lyssa

and if you’ll send that to me, I’ll just put it in the thing below and then anyone can just click on it.

46:47

Ben

Because, brother got to make a buck, but I’m here to help you and its price wise, the most phenomenal bang for your buck that you will ever get and I’ve had coaches even just this current time around, in lesson 4 or 5 out of 30, say, “Wow, if I stop now, I got more than my money’s worth, ” said that after the first lesson, so go ahead.

47:13

Lyssa

So my final question as we’re moving into close, if you were writing your autobiography today, what would the title be?

47:23

Ben

I love that you ask that question because I kept wanting to, like, be something I so profound. But actually, the title of the book, strangely for the first time, but I love this title, I think the title of my autobiography would be “Hamlet was Right.

47:41

Lyssa

And on that note, Ben thank you so much for being on the Coaching Studio.

47:50

Ben

There is a really big reason why that is…

47:50

Lyssa

Yeah, but they’re gonna have to come on one of your shows to find out more about that. So, I love that. Awesome. Well, thank you so much for being here and thank you to all the listeners and coming back to the Coaching Studio. Please, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, Leave Comments, we’d love to hear them all. And yeah, please please, and thank you again so much for being here today.

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Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC

Lyssa deHart, LICSW, MCC

Host

Lyssa deHart ditched her therapy practice to become a Leadership Confidence Coach. Along the way she discovered a passion for professional coaching and wanted to find ways to share that passion with the world. Come join her in discovering and meeting some of the most amazing professional coaches on the planet. Her goal is to inspire coaches. Lyssa is the author of StoryJacking: Change Your Dialogue, Transform Your Life. She is an ICF PCC Assessor, Certified Mentor Coach, and budding Coach SuperVisor. Lyssa uses her understanding of the ICF Core Competencies, combined with her knowledge of Neuroscience, to work with people to become extraordinary professional coaches. Let's Go!

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