the Coaching Studio – Season 1 | episode 9 – Guest Cat Williford, MCC

Hey, Lyssa here, and thank you so much for joining on the Coaching Studio today. I’m very happy to introduce my guest today, Cat Williford and I’d like to introduce you a little bit deeper to her.

Cat Williford is a pioneer in the field of coaching and coach training. She is an internationally renowned coach, speaker, and an author since 1994. She received one of the first six certifications bestowed by the prestigious Coach Training Institute. Cat has held the coaching profession’s highest credential of Master Certified Coach with the ICF since 1998, and she has also trained over 13,000 coaches internationally.

A born and bred Texan, Cat’s willingness to tell it as straight as a shot of tequila is part of her charm. She has supported thousands of women to move from debilitating self-criticism, fear, and really so-so results into experiencing outrageous levels of self-acceptance and authentic confidence. Success on their terms.

In her just-released book, The Ovarian Chronicles: Expectations, Heartache, Resilience. Cat details the story of how she lost sight of navigating her future as her body’s knowing became secondary to someone else’s desires and reality. Her vulnerability and honesty give women permission to get real, forgive, heal, and recover their own resilience.

In 2019, Cat launched her Heroine’s Journey live show and coaching programs to help women unmask their own stories, heartfelt vulnerabilities, and resilience. Today, this modern-day goddess lives in the beach of Ventura in California, where she delights in moonlight sparkles on the ocean. Cat, thank you so much for being on the Coaching Studio today.

I want to read a quick review of your book, which I thought was just really summed up nicely the feelings around your book in a voice that is both strong and tender. This Texas powerhouse takes us with her on a riveting life journey. Her writing is so good, I felt with her the whole way, as if a favorite friend was telling me her most intimate and powerful story, loved it, loved her. So thank you, thank you, thank you for being here today and I am really looking forward to this conversation. I I have to be honest with you, I’ve been really looking forward to meeting with you today, so thank you for being on the show.

I thank you and thank you for that, wow, what a great lead-in. And thank you for reading a review. I didn’t realize you were going to do that. So, thank you for that. It’s been quite a journey to put a memoir out into the world and receive such tender conversations with people.

You know, people have reached out to me and said how deeply something touched them and that’s exactly I think what my aim was, and I think that’s what we do as coaches. We want to reach out to our clients, um, and anyone that we’re working with to really support them to touch inside themselves. So I’m excited to be here and have this conversation with you.

Well, before we move on, you know, that really brings forward a question for me because of the work that you do in helping women really stand in their own agency and find their own voice and be willing to put that into the world. You know, there’s a difference between writing a fictional account of something and making a story up, even if there’s, you know, elements of our own lives in it and there’s something different about writing some form of a self-help book, like I did, where you’re putting stories out there also.

But when you write a memoir about something so personal to you, I mean, you’re really laying yourself bare to the public the this what is it the court of public opinion, right? To some degree, and so to have people respond so, so sweetly and in such a lovely way, you know, how did you though get that, you know, that ability really to share your story?

Absolutely. And even our perception of ourselves, you know, a lot of my work with this unmasking is around, hey, let’s peel back the mask that you’ve been busy show in the world because that’s made it feel safe. You’ve gotten to hide some of the vulnerability and you know, in my book, I talk about the masks that I continually had to face and take off, especially my control mask. I call her my Chief Operating Officer of Control, my, my COOC, she left to drive the big bus, you know, and she gets really frightened when she’s not driving.

But I’ve learned that it’s actually better if she’s not in control and in charge because she limits the joy that can come in, the fun, the partnership, the collaboration. So our masks while they are a brilliant part of our psyche. They were born at a time when we really needed to get through something. So like I think, I don’t ever want to make any of this stuff wrong. Like I think we’re smart for developing coping mechanisms when times are hard, difficult, scary, but it’s not always scary. And that’s when we get to start looking at those masks. And that’s, that’s deep work.

And that’s like that before, you know, coaching was actually a profession, truly. I mean it was it had been in the executive realm, you know, for a little bit, but it was much more that mentoring, consulting versus how we interact with as coaches today. And I actually was in a different career. I was a performer and stage performer, but I moved to Los Angeles, go figure, and I was dwindling in my passion, we’re telling stories on stage, and I met a man by the name of Henry Kinsey House, who is one of the Co-founders of the Coaches Training Institute before that even existed.

And he was, he and his partner Laura were sort of making this, I should be clear, his business partner, making up like what is it we’re doing with people? Let’s put it down on paper. And I had hired him to support me to rekindle my passion. I, you know, I started doing plays when I was a kid, I loved it, and I hired him to help me rekindle that passion, which is why so many of our clients come to us, they’ve lost, they’ve lost that lovin’ feeling, you know, lyrics go. So I, I hired him, I had no idea what to expect, but after a couple of months of working with him, I just said to him, Henry, I naturally do for everybody in my life what you’re supporting me to do. Like even if I’m the youngest one backstage people are coming to me and we’re having these deep conversations and I’m pointing them into themselves.

And he said, well we decided to do a workshop, you want to come on up and do a workshop. I’m like yeah, I want to learn more about this, this is so cool. And I really thought where I would take it with supporting actors to maintain some dignity in the audition process because there’s not a lot of lot.

On the political spectrum. So after I went and saw one of her speeches that I had helped her do, I said, I have to give you your money back, I cannot support what you’re saying. Doesn’t resonate for me, doesn’t, in fact, I’m the exact opposite. So I literally, I gave her all of her money back. Even for the work I had pre prior done that I just didn’t want any upset with it. Just like, that’s one tip I would share. Don’t spend the money all at once, keep it in your savings account, y’all pay yourself what you need. Don’t go through it all. I returned all that money and I went, all right, So let’s think about this. And this is very still very early on in the coaching world like 1996. I sat down, I wrote down what my parameters were for working with people.

And you know, it’s definitely in the competencies of our professional association, do not try and coach someone you cannot get behind and support. That is unethical. Do not do it. And so, you know, and that’s when the competencies were being written and it was good timing for sure. So there’s really this, um I would suggest to anyone if you can’t feel it in your heart, in a chemistry session or a sample session, whatever you’re calling it, you don’t try and coach that person because it will not feel good and you will not be at your best as a coach. And that for me really blows at the end of the day if I don’t feel that I’ve given my all because I’m 100% into what this person, who this person is, and what they’re up to. And it’s not to say that these people are wrong or bad. They get to have whatever they need or want in their life justify can’t align. Just like I’m not gonna go be friends with somebody I can’t align with. So why would I want to, in our own business, why would we want to bring that energy in?

It makes perfect sense and you know, along with having you know the team around you to support you. And having the bench of you know colleagues who have sweet spots that your that is not your sweet spot. I think you know, the thing to really be clear on also as coaches is we’re not therapists, right? So have a few of those therapists that you trust and know.

And if you know connected with and will like can feel like they’ve got a good, you would feel comfortable sharing their name with somebody who you really feel would be better served in that, with that support versus what you as a coach can offer. And it’s not to say as a coach, we don’t offer some therapeutic moments, cathartic therapeutic moments, but it’s the whole for an animal, like, I mean, as you know.

I need a calculator, y’all. So uh you know, we can’t help but exponentially grow. And that’s true whether you are a CPA four years in or 24 years in, you’ve got the subtlety, you’ve got more of the nuance, you’ve got more of the uh intent of something versus the letter of the law of it. You know, like there’s a big thing in coaching, don’t ask “why” questions. Yeah. Pretty good. General rule.

Yet there are certain times when the “why” question can like prop a client wide open, but you won’t know that until you have coached for years. Yeah, It’s like driving when you’re first, you know, you’re 16, you got, you got your license but you don’t have that sixth sense of when that person that’s beside you is gonna bump over a little into your lane, or cut you off. But you feel it as you become more in the flow. And that’s true for coaching.

So, I love that our professional association requires a renewal so that we continue to grow and learn. And what I would really love to see is for MCCs who’ve been at it for a long time to really look at what can they turn around and contribute back to the field of coaching. And I think that is so important because we’ve gone through the various iterations we’ve learned, we’ve grown, we’ve stretched, we this and to turn around and support in a new way. I think is where that’s going to keep the profession growing and expanding.

Um, so explain, when I started doing this for myself about five years ago, what I saw was a repetition of certain words that I really wanted to highlight And so I literally every day I set my intention. I choose to experience ease, flow, and spaciousness. That’s an experience I want to have every day. I don’t like feeling jammed and rushed and all of that does not serve me, does not serve my clients. So I set that intention every day and then then I set two more or three experiential every single day and another one usually sometimes it sounds like love. I want to experience love.

I don’t want to forget that I want to experience that I want to receive it. I want to share it consciously. Yeah. Um sometimes it’s physical health if I’ve drifted a little bit, you know, a little too much, too many margaritas over the weekend and I bring physical health back into my experience, you know? Setting those experiences up for ourselves helps us make different decisions during the day. You know, wait, if I’m honoring ease, flow, and spaciousness; yeah, I’m not gonna tuck that extra client in, nope, not doing it right. I have half-hour buffers between everything I do.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know I used to do a lot of running and then I’ve had several foot injuries, like breaking my foot while running, so I’ve stopped. But now I will flip on great music at the end of the day and I have these, uh, they’re called dance sneakers by Capezio and I just dance, you know, if I can’t get outside because it’s a little dark or you know, I live on the beach, it’s a little foggy and I’m, you know, kind of a weather snob. It’s going to be just right. I’m kidding. But you know, I will just throw on some music and I’ll dance.

So, I think daily movement is so key for all of us, especially, you know, we’re all on Zoom these days and the screen is like we’re just attached to it, whether it’s our computer or mobile device, whatever. So just like moving away from that and you know, it’s almost like that, those breaks, whether you decide 30-minutes, 20 whatever, it’s kind of like mental floss, you know, like we’re flossing out the old whatever. We gotta just like put that aside, we love that client, that’s their stuff. Let me come to the neutral space within me. Yes. It would be really open and present to wherever this client this next person is wanting to go.